Wednesday, May 9, 2012


After an amazing weekend of being used and abused, of being together with Him and connecting with each other on a really deep level...

Today I epic-failed.

He tied me to the end of the bed, but in a new way, one that was much different from how I am usually bound. 

It derailed me from the start.  I started to panic, positive that I would lose my balance and fall over.  Total nonsense, really...very doubtful that I would have fallen.  But that is my irrational fear; I believe I've written before about being afraid of falling off the bed when I am TIED TO THE BED.  Crazy, I know.

So, while He was clearly enjoying the new position, I was a mess. I tried to 'suck it up,' but after about five minutes (probably less, which is so embarrassing), I cried out, "I DON"T LIKE THIS!!!!!" 

He untied me, and things pretty much ended then, for me anyway.  I did give him a blowjob, which we both enjoyed, but I was really close to tears the whole time.

I felt horrible.  Felt that I'd ruined everything.  Felt I had disappointed Him, and the worst part of all was that I felt like I had taken control of the scene.  *Hangs head in shame*

However, after the blowjob, He cuddled up next to me, and we talked about what happened.  While I was very emotional about it, He was very logical.  He stated that He wants to have me in that position (meaning we will try it again), and this was the first time trying it, and we have to learn from it.  He said if it wasn't working, I was right to tell Him, and then we talked about ways to make it less frightening for me in the future.

He is so wonderful.  I love Him so much.

Now if I can only get rid of the irrational fear of falling, everything will be fine.


  1. Just remember how much you trust him. When you panic remember that your master put in the position and that you trust him.

    1. Excellent point, and something I need to remember in the future.


  2. I know how it feels the panic and how actually it is good to open up so He can understand and help you take you to the next step. The feeling as if you failed... yes horrid isn't it. But it isn't failure it is honesty and honesty means that You trust Him.


    1. This is so very true, and even though I felt I'd failed, He really did appreciate my honesty.